Who’d have ever thought that my quest for home - as chronicled in my 2023 memoir Blackgirl on Mars (Repeater, 2025) would end up here? Not me.
Here is a small island in Denmark that is only a few hours away from Germany and over two hours away from Copenhagen. You can even see this island from the German island of Hiddensee.
When I left that fateful evening from Copenhagen’s Kastrup airport in January 2018 - my idea of home was a place I would find on Turtle Island or even in the Caribbean. (you can read all about this journey in Blackgirl on Mars!)
But during my travels/journey, life unfolded in teachings that reminded me that home is any place where I find myself. Traveling for such a long period - about two years in total, with some breaks in between taught me a lot about myself, which I am committed to learning more about. I want to know what has fueled past decisions, present moments, and my behavior, - so when I came upon the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh, I was grateful to gain a teacher.
I want to preface any discussion I have about spirituality with the fact that I am genuinely a fumbling human being. No, I don’t talk about spirituality as any place I have arrived. I speak about it as a compass as to where I would like to be and how I would like to relate to life. When I heard his take on what trauma is - to not be at home in your body - something awakened in me.
At the tender age of 51, I am only now starting to fully understand the dynamics of my life that I was either unprepared or unready to learn. I’ve had to fully accept that I have had no parental guidance my entire life. I’m not saying this to blame - I am saying it as my truth. It has been excruciating and a little funny to come to this realization. I can’t help sometimes laughing at my former self, trying to live with no support or guidance. God bless her, my former self!
A significant reason for this reckoning has been living in the countryside. I moved to this beautiful island three years ago - and the silence has been healing.
These days, things that once attracted me are repelling me. I don’t care much for material things. I don’t yearn for company. I have discovered how long it takes a city girl to light a wood stove (I’m learning!) I have also known that people who hold on to toxic situations - like families - tend to take out the abuse they suffer on others, that actions say everything you need to know, that what makes quitting addictions difficult are the emotions that come up; that dealing with said emotions is what helps me to heal.
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Thank you for reading!