Hindsight is 2020
I cannot forget the pandemic
I honestly cannot forget the pandemic.
There was so much illumination throughout the dismay and fear. I write about some of this in my latest book, Blackgirl on Mars - but I did not share everything.
Elon Musk doing the Seig Heil was not a surprise to me - a lesson I refuse to forget from the pandemic is that Nazi policies are very much alive. As I wrote in Blackgirl on Mars - the Nazis did not lose - they were absorbed. I’m not saying this to fear-monger - I’m saying this because we all need to always be in the position to protect ourselves. That’s what we need to be woke about! I used to be severly triggered by so-called white supremacy - I’m not anymore. We have to be able to defend ourselves and our loved ones and be never afraid to die. The day I stopped fearing death is the day I began to live.
Before I embarked on my US travels, I felt like I had to prepare for war. It wasn’t that I thought I’d be going into war, but I was like what kind of shape do I need to be if I was going into combat? It was a seed of a thought and I am nowhere near being fit enough for combat - but I have been paying so much more attention to my body and health. Part of modernization/colonization is that we become alienated from our bodies. Our minds become the operating system and many of us do not even experience our bodies - well that was me for most of my lifestyle.
This disassociation is common among survivors of physical abuse and extremem childhood neglect - two things which have been really difficult for me to write about which illustrates how deep the bond can be between abusers and the abused. But I am in a place in my life where I refuse to feel shame for what others have done to me.
I don’t consider myself a victim but a survivor.
Also, I understand how the media is used to control us through fear. I don’t follow the news anymore. There are so many narratives going on in the world - why do I need a corporation to tell me which stories to follow? For a lot of traumatized people - and that’s a lot of people! The news is triggering - and I don’t care if this is intentional or not. I’m not on that ride. It’s not that I don’t care about the suffering of other people, but I cannot help others if I am in a state of constant unease.
So during the pandemic I was stuck in Brooklyn with my mother and my flight back to Denmark kept on getting cancelled. I had three-four cancellations! I managed to fly over to Oakland and back to New York - some of which I cover in Blackgirl on Mars.
I knew I didn’t want to move back to Copenhagen. It’s not that I don’t like Copenhagen but my nervous system needs quiet. I just don’t like cities anymore - at least for
long periods of time. Luckily I had a friend who had lived on a small Danish island who invited me to stay with them. I did.
Finally in October I landed in Denmark. I will write more soon - I’ll use this space to go through what my experiences have been thus far. I ‘ve been resting and although I have journals I haven’t been writing on any platform - some freelance here and there but right now I’m enjoying writing just for you. Thanks for reading! I’ll try to add stuff weekly but know that my mantra these days is rest over work.
For reals!
Lesley-Ann